CONFLICT MANAGEMENT AND RESOLUTION
IN OUR HOMES
Being a Seminar Paper
Presented at Men’s Fellowship.
St. Mathew’s Anglican Church, G. R. A, Bida
BROTHER AMBROSE EHIDIAMEN
On the 24th April, 2014
There is no perfect man or a perfect woman. Therefore, husband and wife must try to understanding God’s purpose in marriage and strive to understand, tolerate, bear, encourage and help each other to be a near perfect person. Since the sin of the first man, God curse man that he can only bring out useful fruit through labour, creativity, sweat, hardwork, etc. This applies to our homes. What we often want in most marriages is that each partly wants an already mad perfect person which is not possible as God cannot lie.
This further became more challenging as both man and woman from apart shall become one. (Gen. 2:18 – 25. Gen. 317 – 19). However, it is necessary that each family established some principles and rules towards activities in marriage and home management using God’s standard form the on-set rather than using prevailing situation or circumstance as a basis of policy formulation and decisions in our homes. As they say a dried fish cannot be properly bent hence it breaks.
CONFLICT: It is the consequence of disagreement
- Struggle between two opposing forces
- A fight or an argument
- A state of disharmony between incompatible
- A state of lack of peace and love
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT: It is the process of implementing or employing a strategy to limit the negative aspect of conflict situation.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION: It is the method involved in facilitating the peaceful ending of a conflict situation.
PARTIES TO CONFLICT
CAUSES OF CONFLICT IN OUR HOMES:
In the course of this presentation few areas will be centredon a major causes of conflict in a Christian homes.
- Lack of understanding of God’s secret about marriage
- Not using God’s foundation as the principles in our homes
- Lack of deepen love (a love that do not pay back ) – Eph. 5:25-33
- Show of reciprocal love (Do for me I do for you) – Col. 3: 12 – 15, 1st Peter 3:9
- Inability to take responsibility on the part of the man
- Lack of commitment to marriage vows – 1st Peter 3:7 – 8
- Superiority/Inferiority Complex
- Understanding and not mis-management the perception of each other
- Poor communication
- Opinions of others (influence of friends and relatives
- Lack of contentment, envy/jealousy
- Comparing your spouse to another person infidelity of spouse
- Secrecy by spouse (lack of openness) 1st Peter 3: 10 -12
- Poor training of children
- Family values and culture (two from apart)
- Extended family and relatives
- Education/Level of exposure
- Economic power (income level)
- Attitude /behavior (dressing, cooking, sec, maintenance culture , laziness, lack of respect, lies drunkenness, etc)
- Parental influence
- Children influence – Proverb 19:18
- Inability to give up the old – 2nd Cor. 5:17, Colossian 3:5 – 11
- Challenges and temptations of life
WAYS OF MANAGING AND SOLVING CONFLICT IN OUR HOMES
Conflict cannot be avoided in our homes. Conflict is a necessity to make corrections, change behavior, strengthen relations and build love in oru homes, It is therefore, necessary for patience, tolerance, forgiveness and prayers be the watch word for a successful marriage life.
The following point should be observed for effect management and resolution of conflict in our homes
- There should be the willingness to resolve conflict
- Do not attempt to resolve conflict when you are still in anger
- Do not let your opinion be the one to stay (attempt not to be the winner)
- Be objective and see from your spouse perspective
- Avoid addressing personality in conflict situation at home, but, discuss issues of conflict do not say I am the head)
- Educate your spouse to be in the same level with you
- Establish ways of effective communication (talk of contention or quarrels tactfully)
- Learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness
- Don not calculate your loss in resolving conflict (do not feel you loss, rather see it as a scarify for the sake of peace)
- Deal with issues of conflicts and not the effects of conflicts to avoid re-occurring (but give a little time frame)
REQUIREMENTS FOR RELATIVE CONFLICT AVOIDANCE AND BETTER RESOLUTION AND MANAGEMENT
Though conflict cannot be completely avoids at homes, a good techniques and instrument of conflict management will help:
- Create better understanding in our homes
- Provide better and alternativeways of doing things
- Create a sense of belonging to all parties to conflict in our homes
So as head of the family we must try to observe the followings:
- Create a time to occasionally engage your family in some vital discussions concerning each and every members of the family.
- Identify the likes and dislikes of your spouse and try to avoid the dislikes and promote the likes
- Do not withdraw yourself from your wife for a long period of time.
This will make you have feelings of passion and thirst for each other.
- Allow your partner or your children to know the reason for the “ws”.
- Try as much as possible to manage your conflict yourself and timely too; and if possible avoid bringing ina third person.
- Avoid reporting your spouse to his or her parents. In the same vein, parents should avoid reporting (drawing attention of a child behavior) to one of the parents
- Avoid procrastination on issues that concerns the family (deal with issues as it happens)
- Ask your spouse he opinion about your friend and also tell her your opinion about her friends.
- Jointly take decisions about relatives and in-laws.
- Control the useof local languages when relations and in-laws are around especially f both of you are not from the same tribe
- Set out some principles at the beginning of marriage to follow
A man will sleep base on how he lays his mat. We must learn to build peace, harmony, love and comfort in our homes. Remember the volume of our harvest will be determined by the volume of planting.
May God bless us all.